“A Narcissist’s Love Letter” Powerfully Nails the Distorted Feelings Underlying the NPD Disease
I was deeply moved by a recent article I came across from Global Health’s online magazine entitled “A Narcissist’s Love Letter.” It was emotionally provoking, conjuring up all too familiar feelings of the conflict that a victim of narcissist abuse experiences. If there was a way to describe how someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (#NPD) thinks, this exactly portrays the depth of the sickness.
As a survivor, I could relate to the ups and downs verbalized in this beautiful summary—the love-bombing and gaslighting mixture that makes up the cocktail known as narcissistic control.
How someone can make you feel so unbelievably loved and beautiful in one breath, and downright disposable and hated in another.
“When I say I’m in love with you I mean I love being your mystery, your riddle, being what keeps you up at night, your obsession. I love being your altar, your sacrament, your icon, your miracle. I love being your answer. I love being the object of your sacrifice. I love being your pain.”
I did become obsessed with the inordinate amount of attention and love that enveloped my entire being each time I was with an emotionally controlling partner. They were mysteries and riddles to me—first, of the alluring kind, and then, of the “Where is this coming from? What did I do wrong?” kind. I isolated to make him the center of my universe; sacrificing almost everything I loved and enduring the pain he inflicted over and over like a drug I just couldn’t get enough off.
Highs and lows. I needed all of it.
“When I say I’m in love with you, I mean I love the way I feel when I’m with you. I love myself through you. I love the way I feel about me when you are with me.”
As long as we are making them feel good, our relationships are amazing; on top of the world; unstoppable. The second we focus our attention on anything else—our job, our family, even the children we created together—it is a threat to their comfortable control and their emboldened ego, and down the rabbit hole we go. It’s as if we are their beating heart, and if we stop beating for them, they die. They cannot survive without our blood flow.
Every word of this brilliantly, yet tragically, written article spoke volumes to what it is like to be loved by a narcissist. It actually helps to verbalize what we experience when we are trapped by someone we swear loves us with the whole of their heart, but yet can abuse us in the most malicious of ways.
To read the love letter in its entirety, you can find it here: A Narcissist’s Love Letter
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