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  • Writer's pictureJenny

When the Victim Table is Turned on You

One of the most classic examples of narcissist behavior is when they twist the situation to make themselves look like the one who is abused. Have you ever experienced the madness of being gaslit and driven to the point of lashing out yourself, only to be accused of being the one who is abusive and out of control? Yeah. #MeToo.

According to an informative article entitle Reactive Abuse by Global Health: “The abuser manipulates the situation to his own advantage, making themselves out to be the victim.” They will tell anyone and everyone about your emotional or physical irrationality or your mental instability and paint a picture of you as the devil in the relationship.

It’s a great technique to either control you further or set the stage for a heartbreaking story for their new supply to buy into.

fighting, man and woman fighting, boxing, abuse, reactive abuse
Why are we villianized for fighting back? Because that's part of their plan. Photo credit:

So, what’s a victim to do when their last straw breakdown is turned against them? How does someone move forward after experiencing what this article explains as “reactive abuse,” when one is pushed too far that the response is also abusive in nature?

It seems unfair for the abused to be deemed abusive, but that is part of the PTSD that you develop as part of the toxicity you live in. The only way to break free from experiencing this reactive abuse is to get away from the abuse itself—find a safe haven, go “no contact” or get an intervening third party if there are children involved, and get the therapeutic help you need.

It’s important to remember that you are not crazy; you are not an abuser because you lash out; you are not deserving of escalating verbal attacks that position you as the unstable one.

It is also important is that you remove yourself from the situation that is triggering these reactions in you because what you do deserve is freedom from harm and chance to live in peace. The stories about your may not stop for a while, but you know the truth, and those who truly love and know you will come to see the truth as well. Time always reveals what words cannot.

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